The Great Lie of Confucianism
Filial piety, on the broad surface, is defined as the important virtue and primary duty of respect, obedience, and care for one's elders. However, in cultures influenced strongly by this Confucian philosophy, such as the Vietnamese, filial piety also refers to the social obligation of children to bring a good name to one’s parents and ancestors--to perform the duties of one’s job well so as to obtain the means to support their parents. This often means that the parental figures have total control over almost all aspects of their children’s lives, ranging from choice of extracurricular activities to choice of career to choice of marriage partner; this also often subjects children to be victims of emotional, mental, and sometimes physical abuse. Filial piety is a contradictory social obligation forced upon first-generation Asian-Americans by their traditional parents, where the principles of indebtedness to one’s parents and neglect of self-expression advances the cultivation of negative traits such as depression, anxiety, and insecurity.
Many Asian parents who have immigrated to the United States instill filial piety in their children with hopes that they will be supported by their children in later life, in health and finance. In many instances, parents clash with their children, who have been influenced by Western beliefs and disagree with their parents’ control. Many Americans do not believe that their children should cede for their parents, but instead strongly believe in the pursuit of happiness, where their children should be able to fly high. In the Asian culture, however, parents often give birth to many children, with the mindset that once they have retired, their children will completely handle and care for them. This burdens the children heavily, clipping their wings and draining their vitality and true potential.
The majority of Asian parents will not hesitate to administer guilt tripping or abuse when presented with these clashes. The most popular catalyst among most parents is the emphasis of how children are forever indebted to them. Parents will “motivate” their children with mindsets such as marrying rich, becoming a doctor, and dramatizing their importance versus their children’s significant others to ensure stability once retired; this is simply the result of the evolution of Asian culture. This causes their children to have internal emotional turmoil between filial obligations, moralities, individualism, and relationships, leading to stress and anxiety.
Some may argue that filial piety is beneficial--or else it would not have upheld itself for centuries--in which that it facilitates social interactions and inter-generational communications. It supports the principles of respecting elders and caring for parents and other interpersonal relationships. Maybe parents simply want the best for their children and they believe that this is the way to do it. However, they must see that their children will suffer to some extent in the future. At what cost must children reach their parents’ expectations and demands? How much does a person have to sacrifice to appease this moral obligation?
Rather than forcing personal decisions, wants, and needs on their children, traditional Asian parents should try to conform and accept the thriving individualism that their children crave to establish and should not live with the expectation that their children will totally care for them in the future. The Asian-American generations should not be held back by burdens, that they should be doctors or that self-expression should be inhibited and irrelevant. They should not be held back by their parents’ orders. Times change, and to dwell in the past, to keep to the old ways is to dwindle their children’s capability and aptitude in the great journey of life.
Many Asian parents who have immigrated to the United States instill filial piety in their children with hopes that they will be supported by their children in later life, in health and finance. In many instances, parents clash with their children, who have been influenced by Western beliefs and disagree with their parents’ control. Many Americans do not believe that their children should cede for their parents, but instead strongly believe in the pursuit of happiness, where their children should be able to fly high. In the Asian culture, however, parents often give birth to many children, with the mindset that once they have retired, their children will completely handle and care for them. This burdens the children heavily, clipping their wings and draining their vitality and true potential.
The majority of Asian parents will not hesitate to administer guilt tripping or abuse when presented with these clashes. The most popular catalyst among most parents is the emphasis of how children are forever indebted to them. Parents will “motivate” their children with mindsets such as marrying rich, becoming a doctor, and dramatizing their importance versus their children’s significant others to ensure stability once retired; this is simply the result of the evolution of Asian culture. This causes their children to have internal emotional turmoil between filial obligations, moralities, individualism, and relationships, leading to stress and anxiety.
Some may argue that filial piety is beneficial--or else it would not have upheld itself for centuries--in which that it facilitates social interactions and inter-generational communications. It supports the principles of respecting elders and caring for parents and other interpersonal relationships. Maybe parents simply want the best for their children and they believe that this is the way to do it. However, they must see that their children will suffer to some extent in the future. At what cost must children reach their parents’ expectations and demands? How much does a person have to sacrifice to appease this moral obligation?
Rather than forcing personal decisions, wants, and needs on their children, traditional Asian parents should try to conform and accept the thriving individualism that their children crave to establish and should not live with the expectation that their children will totally care for them in the future. The Asian-American generations should not be held back by burdens, that they should be doctors or that self-expression should be inhibited and irrelevant. They should not be held back by their parents’ orders. Times change, and to dwell in the past, to keep to the old ways is to dwindle their children’s capability and aptitude in the great journey of life.